I am at this weird place right now where I am not sure whether I care if I get fat or not – and I’m already fat. Anyways I am sure if I was a female I would probably care more than I do, or maybe if I was actively searching out a mate I would care more. Do men become more like females when they are searching for a mate? Or are they more like females when they are actively being inactive in a search for any sort of companionship, like me. That is an interesting question, but one for another time. What I want to talk about here is my body image and what that really says about me.

I have a realistic body image, I know I am over weight, but I also know I don’t look horrible. I know that I am losing my hair, but I also know that me with no hair won’t look horrible. I know I am of average height, but  I also know that me standing next to a date that is taller than me won’t look horrible. I understand that almost under all circumstances I would look basically fine, and I know what areas I could improve to make me look better to a potential significant other. So as I said I have gotten to this weird place where I am not sure whether or not I care if I get fat(ter) anymore. I could work out and get into shape, I’ve proven in the past that I can commit to such as thing, and I know that not only would I feel physically but also emotionally, but I don’t know if the effort is even worth achieving that.

Clearly in this I won’t find any answers to this question, and CLEARLY this won’t even be that well written, but I still think the question is interesting, the question of WHY i feel such apathy towards my weight the passed year? Do I feel this apathy because I chose to not try and seek out a significant other? Or is it more or less that I’m almost 30 and physical fitness tends to become less of a priority as people age. If I had a psychiatrist I’d probably ask her/him this question and try and discover where this apathy stems from but for now I will just have to leave myself with the questions and hope that somewhere in the future something comes to me and unlocks the reasoning to this. Though one reason why I don’t want to get fat is I can’t afford more clothes, and one reason why I want to get back into shape is cause I can then fit back into all my old clothes and quadruple my wardrobe. Maybe I am thinking more like a female then?